


Nightmare

by orphan_account



Series: Cinematics [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucination Lucifer (Supernatural) | Hallucifer, Hallucinations, Season/Series 07, Song fic, set it off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 03:19:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17952647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A song fic of Sammy's mentality in season 7Poor boy ;-;





	Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are lyrics  
> Crossed italics simply emphasis.
> 
> >Trigger warning, self harm implied<

_They're coming, creeping from the corner  
_ _And all I know is that I don't feel safe_

Sam was used to feeling unsafe, especially with the life he lived. He could deal with demons following him, with vampires hunting him, with werewolves attacking him. But this... this was not something he could just kill.

_I feel the tapping on my shoulder_    
_I turn around in an alarming state_    
_But am I loosing my mind?_    
_I really think so_

He knew he wouldn't have gotten out of hell without being scathed. He had spent quite a time down there. His soul, at least. In fact, Sam never expected to leave. Yet, he had been dragged out by his brother's angel, received his soul from Death, and then had a wall broken down in his mind, which only seemed to damn him more. Now, he knew. He  _knew_.

 _Not a creature in sight_    
_But what you don't know is that  
__My breathing gets faster  
__And so does my heartbeat_

Sam told his brother he was fine. Practically always, he said so. Of course, Dean would know better, but there was no point in arguing with a person so unsure on what's real or not.

 _I wish this was over_    
_I wish that this was a dream but_  
_I created a monster, a hell within my head  
__Nowhere to go, I'm out on my own  
__Oh I'm so scared_

Hallucifer, Lucifer, Satan, the Devil, whatever you may call him, he would still be the same; the torture, though it may not be actually him, was a constant from Hell to Earth. The only thing that may be different was that this was just his mind, though the nerves in his body seemed to be aflame with each memory, convincing the hunter that was was burning once again. 

 _I created a monster, a beast inside my brain_    
_Nowhere to go, I'm not on my own_

Sam always told himself he wasn't alone, believing that his brother would be there for him, or possibly Bobby, but there was so little those words could do to make him feel better

_My mind impaired to wake me from my nightmare  
_ _Wait, something doesn't feel right- feel right_

It was worse when he felt 'ok', because he knew it never was.

_No, something seems wrong- wrong_  
_And I've been feeling this way- oh that's too bad- for far too long_  
_As my vision gets blurred, my skin's getting colder_  
_Appearing young, while I'm growing older_  
_I collapse to the floor and scream:  
_ _"Can anybody save me from myself?"_

Dean always heard, and always came running. Bobby was at his side more times than not. Cas wasn't there, and Sam missed the addition to their family.

 _I created a monster, a hell within my head_    
_Nowhere to go, I'm out on my own_    
_Oh I'm so scared- oh, oh I'm so scared_

Dean wouldn't understand,  _ ~~Dean couldn't help-~~_

 _I created a monster, a beast inside my brain_    
_Nowhere to go, I'm not on my own_

Sam felt the Devil's presence, even when he wasn't there,  ~~ _even though he's never there_.~~

 _My mind impaired to wake me from my nightmare_  
_Walk into the latch, I find myself looking down_  
_Frozen still with fear, now I'm plunging to the ground_    
_If only I knew how to fly, then I could convince myself_    
_This isn't my time to die_

Sam was never one to be suicidal. That was more his brother's thing, which he would've done anything to change. However, he would do practically anything to get the voice, the  _presence_  out of his mind, no matter how much he would say "I'm fine".

 _Instead I'm rocketing faster, and faster_    
_I dive, fall to the floor_    
_And when my body crashes to the pavement_    
_I'm right back where I was before_

There was always pain, whether it was physical or mental. It was the physical pain that kept the mental pain away, even after his palm had healed, despite him irritating it, making it inflamed; but it healed nonetheless and Sam needed a reminder of what was in the real world. He was injured in fights more often; Dean might've thought it was due to  ~~ _distractions_~~ , he wouldn't need to know that his younger brother was letting it happen.

 _I created a monster, a hell within my head_    
_Nowhere to go, I'm out on my own_    
_Oh I'm so scared_

There were the mirages of Lucifer, each one-sided conversation with him forever changing, but there was still the memories, the images that, for lack of better term, were burned into his brain.

 _I created a monster, a hell within my head_    
_Nowhere to go, I'm out on my own_    
_Oh I'm so scared, no, no_    
_I created a monster, a beast inside my brain_

Sam had to tell himself that  ~~ _he_~~  was the one who let this haunt him. That's what he tried to believe, anyway. That wasn't true, he couldn't control it, but he told himself he could.  ~~ _Fake it 'till you make it._~~

 _Nowhere to go, I'm not on my own_    
_My mind impaired to wake me from my nightmare  
__Awake me from my nightmare_

Lucifer was gone. Now, he could control his thoughts. His nightmares were just nightmares. However...

_I'm so scared- Awake me from my nightmare_

Guilt seemed to flood over the past horrors.

_I'm so scared- Awake me from my nightmare_

There's a few things he wouldn't wish upon  _anyone_ , and this was one of those things.

_I'm so scared!- Awake me from my nightmare_

**_-_ **

_-_

Now a member of his family, the one he had just gotten back, the one already so broken and lost, the one  _ ~~related~~  _to Sam's suffering, was enduring the hardships.

**Author's Note:**

> "Remove the gag and step away, he's suffocating  
> You pull the strings day after day  
> That's why he needs a break from you  
> Bid your ass adieu  
> A break from you  
> Bitch, your ass is through"  
> ~Set It Off  
> ('N.M.E.' from the album 'Duality')


End file.
